There is only one thing standing between Football and the adoption of essential technologies, which have proved so effective in other major competitive sports (Tennis, Rugby, Cricket). That thing is a wrinkly, bald-headed, big Swiss cheese named Septic Bladder (Name changed to protect identity) – the President of football governing body, FUFA (Name changed to protect identity).

Arsenal’s not going down the plug anytime soon. But if it does – here’s a little yellow rubber duck to cheer you up. Fools rule.

Deep in a bunker beneath the Emirates, Hitler is informed of Arsenal’s progression to the knockout stages of the Champions League.

Oh… and also of a disappointing draw with Aston Villa.

There are Laws that govern everything – from which way up your toast lands when you drop it, to how your finger accidentally pushes “SEND” when that’s the last thing you wanted to do. For the first time ever (on this blog, at least) – I have gathered a collection of these Laws, to shed some light on why Arsenal behave like they do. When you’re about to tear your hair out – reach for this instead. And realize that everything will be OK in the end. And if it’s not OK – it’s not the end. 😉

Pitchfork and torch sales are up. So are black scarf sales. And apparently Cleaver & Gush – (Purveyors of Fine Guillotines – By Appointment To Her Majesty The Queen) have had an inordinate number of hits on their website. Which can only mean one thing:

Yup. Some fans may be content to just sit back and watch their Arsenal slide into obscurity. Others are revolting.

You can catch the latter at any given moment: indiscriminately flaming other online Gooners. Hysterically tweeching:

“We want our Arsenal back! #WengerOut”

“Y r hapy with decade of no troaphy Arsenal? UR n idiot. Same like Wenger. #WengerOut”

“Wenger is runing our club. We need Guadoila hell fix it Barcilona always win silverwere. #PepIn #WengerOut”

Temperatures are rising. Fingers are being pointed. Matches are being boycotted. Marches are being planned. The team is being booed. (And all the while, the media gleefully amplifies the noise – not the signal – perhaps because it fits in better with their let’s-criticize-Arsenal-at-every-opportunity agenda?)

Possibly inspired by the Arab Spring, or the Occupy Movement – angry Arsenal fans are saying ‘enough is enough’ and clamouring for heads to roll… starting with the head of our once-revered Manager, Arséne Wenger. And ostensibly followed by those … Read More »

Temperatures are rising. Arsenal is boo-ed off the pitch at half time. Things could turn ugly…

A rather ruffled ARSÉNE WENGER pushes a large shopping cart packed with footballers up to the counter. He fumbles through his pockets, eventually producing a fistful of wrinkled receipts, which he places on the counter…