Philosophy for Gooners (Part 1)

Posted on May 28th, by batmandela in General, Opinion, Philosophy For Gooners. 1 Comment

What type of Gooner are you?


Numbers rule.

Stats. Transfer fees. Salaries. These things are Gods. So – if it looks like somebody didn't perform, but their stats say that they were brilliant, then they were brilliant. If a player is expensive, he must be good. Who you gonna believe? Your own eyes, or my super brilliant computer-model, calculator based analysis of reality?

In their desire to predict the future – and thereby to possibly minimize future pain – Pythagooners rely heavily on historic precedents. Unfortunately, the game isn't played in the past. Or on an Excel spreadsheet.


I am, therefore I suffer.

Suffering is an inherent part of being an Arsenal fan. Its cause is desire, ambition and expectation. Detaching oneself from craving is the only way to end the pain. This detachment comes by being mindful of actions, intentions, livelihood, efforts, concentration, speech, and understanding.

Everything will be OK in the end, and if it's not OK, it's not the end.


Remember who you are, and what you represent.

That sound familiar? To Rocky Rocastle fans it will… It's the Goonfucius philosophy distilled. By being loyal to the Arsenal Way, and faithful to its rituals and ceremonies – its virtues become visible to the world, and transforms them.

They believe there are certain basic principles that guide how Arsenal (the Club, players and fans) should behave, whether in the boardroom, on the pitch, or in the stands. By sincerely following its principles, and thereby being true to themselves, they can lead by example, be brilliant, make an impact.

Long before the Christian notion of “loving your neighbour” came along, the Goonfucians had a Golden Rule: what you don't desire for yourself, don't do to others…

One Nihil Down-ist

I've got a Nietzsche to scratch, and I'm gonna scratch it. (Probably 'til it bleeds…)

If you're the type of Gooner who believes Arsenal is dead, the meaninglessness of it all, and the existence of a will-to-power “Superman” – then this Dungeon is for you.

Tear down the walls, the manager, the team. Negate accomplishment. You're holding out for a hero. And when you find him, you'll tear him down too. It's liberating, I guess.

In a master-slave bondage kind-of-way.

I Think Therefore I Am Gooner

Out! Out, damn doubt!

If you find yourself perpetually explaining that the New Arsenal Way is heading in the same direction as the Old Arsenal Way; explaining that the trophy drought is a necessary (though undesirable) consequence of global expansion; explaining that Wenger's neo-socialist tendencies are the antidote to the wasteful hedonism of the modern game; explaining that the 4-4-2 formation is the key to our success (or lack of it); explaining that…

You get the point: you're Ricky Ricardo, you've got some 'splaining to do, and you're sure as hell gonna do it.

Forget Victoria Concordia Crescit: Cogito Ergo Victorius.


Passion trumps reason.

It takes rationalism and feeds it to the flames of desire.

Need a new stadium? Won't pay exorbitant wages? Pah! I spit in the general direction of your cerebral gymnastics.

Must have trophy. Must have trophy. Winning über alles.


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One response to “Philosophy for Gooners (Part 1)”

  1. Haha! nice one Bat! I guess I’m a cross between the Siddharsenalist and the Goonfucian, what can I say? funny post.

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