What do you do when your throat's on fire, your sinuses are exploding and your fever's rising?

You wake up in the middle of the night and write a haiku for each member of the Arsenal squad, that's what. See if you can figure them all out… Maybe write one of your own in the comments below. Enjoy!

***

nice lampshade. no bulb.

he's a pinball on steroids

bing! dong! buzz! clack! aaaaargh….

*

wannabe striker

fleet of foot (brain not so much)

future uncertain

*

not sure of high balls:

treats them like lofted grenades

been to hull and back

*

clockwork clinical

fantastic mr. plastic

lego hair, hot wife

*

seems each time he scores

somewhere, somebody famous

draws their final breath

*

making sure you're in

the right place at the right time

beats running on stilts

*

super cuddly gay

who's mastered toe-poke tackles

our chubby speedster

*

everything jokeski

tracking back is tedious

(scored four at Anfield)

*

gooner through and through

got launched into the big league

improving gamely

*

weeks turn into months

months turn into years and more

where's our wonderboy?

*

takes no prisoners

occasional marauder

left-footed cannon

*

gaining accolades

for his silky two-footed touch

and superb vision

*

he would be perfect

if he'd just kept his mouth shut

about song leaving

*

revelation in

last year's defensive nightmares

never seen him smile

*

looks like a licked lamb

and lacks a killer instinct

a holding striker

*

injury prone?

now that's an under-statement.

lanky genius

*

rising through the ranks

this youngster's got what it takes

if he can stay fit

*

apparently young

(if you just count soccer years)

midfield dynamo

*

over-confident?

sure. he has to earn his place

in pole position

*

hit the ground running

(huge relief for Arsenal)

compact powerhaus

*

a panic signing

captain of his national team

was he really real?

*

easy on the eye

has lady fans a-flutter

not long 'til he scores

*

I feel sorry for

him: our Swiss ambassador

fourth tree from the left

*

a career of two halves:

seven years' feast then famine

(cyclical: success)

*

what!? is he still here!?

no-one else seems to want him

despite his medals…

*

young and talented/

hope of his generation.

a beast/ a burden.

*

a massive ego

and expensive underwear

are just not enough

*

not an easy job

trying to keep the sheets clean

while flapping about

*

injured enforcer

a bull in a china shop

song gone, long live pong!

*

almost anime

spirited away on loan

again and again

*

as bald as he's bold

he comes with great pedigree

can he plug our leaks?

***

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