Arsenal Haik-who?

Posted on September 26th, by invinciblog in General, The Squad. 4 comments

What do you do when your throat's on fire, your sinuses are exploding and your fever's rising?

You wake up in the middle of the night and write a haiku for each member of the Arsenal squad, that's what. See if you can figure them all out… Maybe write one of your own in the comments below. Enjoy!



nice lampshade. no bulb.

he's a pinball on steroids

bing! dong! buzz! clack! aaaaargh….


wannabe striker

fleet of foot (brain not so much)

future uncertain


not sure of high balls:

treats them like lofted grenades

been to hull and back


clockwork clinical

fantastic mr. plastic

lego hair, hot wife


seems each time he scores

somewhere, somebody famous

draws their final breath


making sure you're in

the right place at the right time

beats running on stilts


super cuddly gay

who's mastered toe-poke tackles

our chubby speedster


everything jokeski

tracking back is tedious

(scored four at Anfield)


gooner through and through

got launched into the big league

improving gamely


weeks turn into months

months turn into years and more

where's our wonderboy?


takes no prisoners

occasional marauder

left-footed cannon


gaining accolades

for his silky two-footed touch

and superb vision


he would be perfect

if he'd just kept his mouth shut

about song leaving


revelation in

last year's defensive nightmares

never seen him smile


looks like a licked lamb

and lacks a killer instinct

a holding striker


injury prone?

now that's an under-statement.

lanky genius


rising through the ranks

this youngster's got what it takes

if he can stay fit


apparently young

(if you just count soccer years)

midfield dynamo



sure. he has to earn his place

in pole position


hit the ground running

(huge relief for Arsenal)

compact powerhaus


a panic signing

captain of his national team

was he really real?


easy on the eye

has lady fans a-flutter

not long 'til he scores


I feel sorry for

him: our Swiss ambassador

fourth tree from the left


a career of two halves:

seven years' feast then famine

(cyclical: success)


what!? is he still here!?

no-one else seems to want him

despite his medals…


young and talented/

hope of his generation.

a beast/ a burden.


a massive ego

and expensive underwear

are just not enough


not an easy job

trying to keep the sheets clean

while flapping about


injured enforcer

a bull in a china shop

song gone, long live pong!


almost anime

spirited away on loan

again and again


as bald as he's bold

he comes with great pedigree

can he plug our leaks?


4 responses to “Arsenal Haik-who?”

  1. avatar mel ber says:

    I figure that I get all of these except for the defenders. I cannot tell who is Gibbs, Kos, Verm or Coq.

    Coq the revelation who doesn’t smile? After that I’m stumped.

    • avatar batmandela says:

      gervinho * walcott * mannone * arteta * ramsey * mertesacker * santos * arshavin * jenkinson * wilshere * vermaelen * carzola * sagna * koscielny * chamakh * diaby * gibbs * rosicky * szczesny * podolski * park * giroud * djourou * wenger * squillaci * oxlade-chamberlain * bendtner * fabianski * frimpong * miyaichi * bould

      I actually left out Coquelin ‘cos I couldn’t really come up with anything for him – maybe that’s why you got stuck..?

      Gibbs has to stay fit; Koz is the revelation; Verm is the left-footed cannon… 😉

      They’re not perfect, I know. Blame the flu!

      • avatar mel ber says:

        Ah. Kos was the one that confused me because I have seen him smile (quite a lot really). Otherwise I’d have certainly put him down as the revelation. Instead I had Kos for Verm and the mistakes cascaded. And I missed Frimp totally (how’s that possible!!!).

        anyway I enjoyed them. Thanks.

        • avatar batmandela says:

          I guess that’s my fault. I’ve only ever seen Koz on TV, and he always seems to be frowning! Thanks for the feedback – glad you enjoyed them. 🙂

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