Category: Fools Rule
This is not a blog about ticket price hikes and how they reflect the insensitivity of a profitable institution towards its loyal fanbase.
It’s not about how Arséne Wenger’s apparent tightfistedness and shortsightedness may lead to his undoing. I also don’t want to discuss the rumour that he has a contract ready-signed, and that the club is just waiting for an opportune moment to ram it down our throats – a Sagna/Rosicky contract renewal announcement, for instance.
I’m not interested in writing about how ironic it is that our star signing initiated the collapse of our Champions League campaign with his second consecutive (lackadaisical) CL PK miss.
And – while I’m not at it – I’m also not convinced that Arsenal can repeat last season’s performance in the upcoming return fixture at the Allianz Arena. As Heraclitus said, “A man cannot cross the same river twice.” Besides – as fantastic as last year’s heroic failure might have been, Bayern Munich did appear to be resting on their laurels somewhat. (At least until the second goal.) I doubt that they’ll make the same mistake twice.
So I’m certainly not wasting my time writing about that!
The latest rumours about Morata having already signed a … Read More »
There’s all this panicked talk about how we need another striker, in case our current one goes on le blink. It seems the loud and unwashed masses are not comfortable with any of our current alternatives.
Perhaps eyebrows are over-rated? They don’t serve any real purpose, except for frowning. And besides – Barca have managed pretty well without an eyebrow. Yes – you say – but they have the monobrowed monarch Messi…
Well. We’ve got the göggle-eyed göd, Mesut.
Our motto says it all: Victory Through Harmony. Perhaps that’s the biggest lesson we have to learn? As Gunners. If we’re ever to start winning again…
Another day. Another news conference. Another opportunity for our poker-faced, fork-tongued, sweet-talking manager to perfect the dark art of opacity.
A cockroach can survive for a few weeks without its head. Chelsea survived at least as long without John Terry.
There’s a lot Gunners can learn from Science and Nature. Fools Rule brings you a few curious factoids, and applies them to the Arsenal Experience. Enjoy!
On May 11, 2001, Arsenal lost the FA Cup Final to Liverpool. 2-1, in Cardiff.
On the same day, in Santa Barbara, California, beloved author and Arsenal supporter Douglas Adams’ world did end. He died suddenly of a heart attack at the tender age of 49.
Let’s just say it was a bad day for Gooners and leave it at that.
The following is an imaginary interview with Douglas Adams. (DA) – conducted by yours truly: Batmandela (BM). Mr. Adams’ replies are culled, verbatim, from his numerous books, letters and scripts. It is an interview I would have loved to have conducted during Douglas Adams’ lifetime. But things don’t always work out the way we planned.
I have a feeling, though, that he’d have found this concept mildly amusing…
Ladies and Gentlemen. Um… Gentlemen.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lord Atticus Barton-Shawcross. I am a retired SAS Colonel. I spent 23 years working in Covert Operations, until changes in modern warfare, introduced by chicken-shit – excuse my French – civilian commanders, severely curtailed our ability to operate in the effective manner to which we were accustomed.
The 'new rules' of combat essentially emasculated us, by introducing restrictive procedural guidelines, punitive post-operation review, and political oversight. Basically – we had our nuts removed, and replaced with estrogen-infused, non-toxic, hypo-allergenic potpourri pouches.
Killing people just wasn't fun any more. Which is why I left.
I started my own 'Private Security and Logistics' company. I sold toilet paper to the Armed Forces for $5.00 a roll. And then charged them $5.00 to remove the cardboard tubes when the paper was finished. Stuff like that. And I used the millions of dollars I made to create my own army. And get things done the old way, if you catch my drift.
In short – I found a way to do what I loved, however the frick I wanted, and get paid a lot of money doing it.
What the hell has this got to do … Read More »
There is only one thing standing between Football and the adoption of essential technologies, which have proved so effective in other major competitive sports (Tennis, Rugby, Cricket). That thing is a wrinkly, bald-headed, big Swiss cheese named Septic Bladder (Name changed to protect identity) – the President of football governing body, FUFA (Name changed to protect identity).
Arsenal’s not going down the plug anytime soon. But if it does – here’s a little yellow rubber duck to cheer you up. Fools rule.
There are Laws that govern everything – from which way up your toast lands when you drop it, to how your finger accidentally pushes “SEND” when that’s the last thing you wanted to do. For the first time ever (on this blog, at least) – I have gathered a collection of these Laws, to shed some light on why Arsenal behave like they do. When you’re about to tear your hair out – reach for this instead. And realize that everything will be OK in the end. And if it’s not OK – it’s not the end. 😉