Game Of Two Halves – Team Of One Half


Posted on January 27th, by batmandela in Fools Rule, General, Opinion. No Comments

There's a lot Gunners can learn from Science and Nature. Fools Rule brings you a few curious factoids, and applies them to the Arsenal Experience. Enjoy!

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The tallest tree ever was an Australian eucalyptus – In 1872 it was measured at 435 feet tall.

We probably chopped it down. That's what we do to fantastic things. We go “Wow!” and then bring out the axe. Maybe we get bored too quickly? Here we are now. Entertain us.

We do it to players. To the manager. We're doing it to the club. It's a little counter-productive. After all: why reach for the sky, if it makes you a target? It encourages mediocrity, and Mediocre never won any prizes (last time I checked). Perhaps we'd be better served building up, rather than tearing down?

Encourage our players to fly, and catch them when they fail. That's what we'd want, if we were them…

Christian Barnard performed the first heart transplant in 1967 – the patient lived for 18 days.

Classic example of 'The operation was a success but the patient died.' It took a few years before heart surgery found its mojo, so to speak.

Arsenal had a stadium transplant a few years ago. That's a pretty heavy operation. Maybe we need to exercise a little restraint: let the patient get out of ICU before we expect it to lift any heavy objects?

A cockroach can live for several weeks without its head.

Chelsea survived about as long without John Terry.

It would take over an hour for a heavy object to sink 6.7 miles down to the deepest part of the ocean.

It took about a quarter of that time for Andre Santos to hit rock bottom against Brighton yesterday. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Yesterday's cuddly speedster, whose sunshiney attitude made him “hard-to-hate”, has become today's mega-villain. Booed off the pitch. (C'mon gays – that's not very nice!)

The van Persie shirt incident didn't help: it read about 11 on the cringemeter. Akin to being caught red-handed sniffing someone's dirty laundry, it had an air of submissiveness that was pretty pukeworthy. Especially to that scummy traitor, who seems to have the entire planet groveling at his glorious feet these days.

Word of warning, Robbing: remember what happened to that 435-foot Eucalyptus…

At 15 inches the eyes of giant squids are the largest on the planet.

Since Septic Bladder won't allow technology in football, would it be too much to ask for FIFA referees to have squid eye implants?

The blue whale can produce sounds up to 188 decibels. This is the loudest sound produced by a living animal and has been detected as far away as 530 miles.

The Arsenal away supporters must come pretty close. I have the utmost respect for them. It warms my heart hearing them get behind the team, week in, week out, come rain or snow.

The leg muscles of a locust are about 1000 times more powerful than an equal weight of human muscle.

Lucas Podolski has locust legs. There's no other explanation. His West Ham goal was magnificent to behold. He’s Locust Podolski from now on.

Sound travels about 4 times faster in water than in air.

Bad news travels 4 times faster on Twitter than in real life.

Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon.

Football is famously a 'game of two halves'. Arsenal, at present, are a 'team of one half'. Which means we tend to cut it a little fine a lot of the time… I don't mind winning late, or fugly. It may be nerve-wracking, but it sure beats snatching defeat from the jaws of victory – our other annoying habit.

There are more ways of arranging a pack of ordinary playing cards than there have been seconds since the universe began.

That means there's approximately half as many ways of arranging our squad. Hopefully Wenger finds the best permutation fast… It's taken him an awful long time to figure out where Ramsey belongs. (Awful for Rambo, that is. And us.)

Shrimp's hearts are in their heads.

That's no big deal. Come the end of season, most Gooner's hearts are in their mouths!

 

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